Every one of us has come across toxic people in our lives. It is pretty hard to ignore them, as they somehow know how to get to you. You know, they are the type of person that can be manipulative, controlling, judgmental, dominative and inconsiderate, and they do not care about anyone else and about the feelings of other people.
Maybe, it will not be easy at all to deal with such people sometimes, especially if we are forced to do that every day. But, a Zen Master has some good advice about how to deal with such people, but first of all, let’s see the nine signs of recognizing them. Here they are:
1. Toxic people are never wrong.
Everything that they say is right and everything that others people say is wrong. These toxic people can be quick to judge others, but they never see any faults in themselves. They are unwilling to learn, and they will react harshly if you go against them.
They cannot admit that they were wrong and they never apologize. These people will also not going to accept constructive criticism, so it is very hard to work with them.
2. Toxic people force relationships.
These people don’t want to be alone, and that is why they find someone to have a relationship with. It is more about having relationships for the sake of other people seeing that they have relationships rather than enjoying the connection for what it actually is.
For these people, it is not about the connection or the real love, as we said. They just want to have someone by their side that is going to support them no matter what.
3. Toxic people exhibit controlling behaviors.
Toxic people want to act in a certain situation so that they can get what they want, whether it is superiority or gaining from you in some way.
These people need to feel in charge, so if anything does not go as they have planned, they tend to freak out. They don’t like when someone else tells them what to do, but they only want to have the complete power over other people, so it may be very difficult to work with them.
4. Toxic people talk more than they listen.
Such people are all about themselves. They tend to have narcissistic tendencies and find it difficult to focus on anything else. They do not care about you or how are you doing. If they ask you how are you, it is often as they know that you are going to ask them back, so that they can continue talking about themselves.
This actually goes against Buddhism where compassion, as well as a kindness for other people around you and for yourself, is paramount.
5. Toxic people often say lies.
Lying is part of their nature. They benefit from lies in some ways, so they have no problem in telling them.
They tend to change the truth for their benefit so that they will always look good and nothing is ever going to be their fault. Toxic people lie about little things too, like where they were or what were they doing, so you should be critical of everything they say.
6. Toxic people often love talking about others.
Toxic people live for gossip. They bring down other people to bring up their self-esteem.
They also like to know everything that happens to other people around them. They try to get all the exciting details, and if there are not many, they usually invent them in order to sound more interesting to others.
7. Toxic people lack tact, as well as general courtesy.
What defines a toxic person is lack of empathy, as well as acts of superiority. The toxic person does not feel sorry for others. They boast about their honesty, so do not even see the problem with using hard words in order to get what they want.
They don’t want to help others, and it is all about them and their lives.
8. The drama follows them all of the time.
There is always something wrong with them. They will probably say that they do not want any drama, but somehow it keeps following them all the time. If you offer advice, they will simply say it won’t work.
They often get into fights with people, even though they never admit that anything was their fault.
9. The experience of toxic people is the standard by which everything should be judged.
Their own life experiences are how everyone else should be judged. They cannot accept that everyone has their own life and own way of seeing things. If they hated yoga, then it is a waste of your time.
For instance, when they hate horror movies, then they are not going to accept that you like them. They will start mocking you or say that such films are a waste of time. Either way, they are going to make you feel bad about liking the genre.
10. What are the recommendations of the Zen master about responding to and dealing with a toxic person?
You have probably recognized some people from your life, after reading the signs from above. The easiest suggestion would be to keep them at a distance, but it is not always possible to do that. So the Zen master recommends how you are supposed to do that.
- Find your inner peace and balance, so that you would not let other people influence you that much. People that are strong from inside cannot be broken from outside.
- If you are confident and you know your worth, and if the toxic person is offensive towards you, it is not really about you, it is more about him. He has his insecurities and needs to control people;
- Do not let the toxic person get to you. Always remember that he wants to make you feel unimportant and smaller, so you should not please him by doing that;
- Stay strong and confront him about his actions. Toxic people usually have a lot of problems inside, and when someone dares to speak up, they are going to understand that they are not as almighty as they thought;
- Remember to focus on yourself and never let anyone else bring you down. When someone tries to do it, remember that they are only bringing you down to feel more confident themselves. They are problematic people, and you should never trust them, so keep your guard with them.