“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.” ~ Khalil Gibran
In regard to parenting, it’s essential to not do for them what they can do for themselves. If you think about it, as children we all have a very strong sense of independence. We want to walk without holding hands, we want to tie our own shoes, we want to fall and get back up on our own terms. The best kind of help puts the tools in the person’s hand so they can do the work for themselves instead of anyone else doing it for them. When as a parent you over-function or over-nurture your child, he will invariably become lazy and take it for granted that things will always be done for him. This in the long run will result in helplessness. He may assume people will always know what he wants the way his parents did, and therefore not develop the skill of communicating his needs. It may also result in manipulative tendencies where the child feigns helplessness, incapability or immaturity and avoid taking responsibilities.
By being afraid of stopping our child’s disruptive or manipulative behavior, we are failing to teach them about how some of their actions can be hurtful, non-compassionate or irresponsible. This will cause dissonance in perceiving how some behavior push people away and others help build connection. Why we Over-nurture as Parents It’s important to understand the source of our nurturing tendencies. For some it’s about correcting the wrongs of their childhood via their children. For example, a woman who grew up with a neglectful mother and father, could grow to start coddling her children and doing everything for them. In some ways this rescuer tendency is the effect of trying to heal her own childhood wounds externally through others. So in actuality, she is in need of attention and care. In order to empathize with our child we may start doing things for them to lighten the struggle of growing up. In this case, we are unclear of where to draw the line: be too caring and hamper your child’s growth or become too strict and your child suffers.
Over-nurturing can also lead to codependency in relationships with our spouse or loved ones, where we depend on our partner to feel a sense of wholeness. Our own insecurities are constantly at play, so we constantly do things for them, and if we don’t take a breather and really look at our mirrors we will always be projecting that sense of neediness onto our partners.
When we can firmly say we have the right reasons for nurturing (not manipulative, projection, guilt, fear-based) and have healthy boundaries, we can set out to give it lovingly and in such a way that the person we are caring for feels free and more empowered because of it. We’re all born with incredible reserves of strength and a grounding sense of self that is constantly blooming through the course of our lives. We owe it to ourselves to recognize and honor this strength within each of us.
When we look at the mind, body, and soul connection, what we are really seeking to understand is the intangible energy of the inner world that speaks from our inner self as the language of the soul.
Karma is an ongoing process and involves not only the past but also present, and the future. Your thoughts in your past lives have an effect on your present life, and your present actions have an effect on your future life. Your current actions can also have an impact in your present life.